Spanderverse: Burial
by harsens-rob
Summary: Spanderverse story 4: R.I.P. Walter L. Harris, POV Xander. The gang attend the burial of Xander's father.
1. Day

Disclaimer: Legal stuff, don't own characters, haven't made any money, this is for entertainment purposes, no profit earned, lawyers go away. –_kisses-_

Couples: Buffy/Riley, Tara/Willow, Xander/Anya but there's no romantic interludes.

POV: Xander

Spoiler Alert: Tidbits from BTVS prior to season 5. This directly follows Spanderverse: Dracula so you should read that first.

Notes: Fifth story in the Spanderverse-universe, following "Spanderverse: Dracula". Everything from the television series through the defeat of Adam also occurred as depicted, in the Spanderverse.

People's thoughts are depicted in _italics_. You'll find emphasis depicted with an underline.

More Notes: BIG thanks to Joss, the ME creative team and the crew of one of the best shows on television.

WE MISS YOU!

Thank you to twiztv and Buffyguide for script and character name assistance.

Finally, thanks to the authors of Fanfiction wherever you may post. It's probable that I've read at least one of your stories somewhere. I apologize for recycling concepts inadvertently from the plentitude of stories I've read. I also include Xander's family. Where possible from online transcripts I've used the proper names: I couldn't find Xander's parents first names so they became Walter and Peggy.

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**Spanderverse: Burial**

**CH 1 – Day**

**Xander stood in the streaming sunlight in a suit that was ill-fitting and much too warm for the spring-like weather. His brow was beaded with perspiration and small drops of sweat were running down his back and sides under the dress jacket he wore. It wasn't helping anything that he was dressed entirely in black.**

**Behind him, there stood an empty aluminum chair growing hot in the Californian sun. The chair waited patiently for him to sit down as the others who were gathered around him were. Xander wasn't able to sit however, he had a nervous need to be standing. Xander peaked from the corners of his eyes at the seated figures to his right and left. On the right of him sat Anya, as well as members of his father's extended family. To his left, his mother slumped and next to her were her relatives. She had been crying ceaselessly since the non-denominational minister began his…what, sermon? Xander wasn't sure what you called it when a minister was saying last words over someone's grave.**

**Anyway, every so often his mother let out a pained wail that his rich aunt, Margo, quickly shushed. Xander had been surprised when his rich relatives from Utah had bothered showing up to his father's funeral. They'd always shunned the Harris household. Sure, Margo would call his mother on her birthday and invite her for a weekend in Salt Lake City sometime, but it was always with the unstated understanding that she was inviting Peggy…not the husband. Xander's relatives had never liked Walter Harris and the antagonism was mutual. Xander himself didn't really hold any strong feelings about the Harris/Concorde feud. Mostly there had just been embarrassment of his own modest upbringing when compared to the designer clothing and trust funds of his cousins. As Xander had always been the first to admit, there were good reasons for the Concorde side of the family to keep their distance from the Harris clan.**

**So, Xander hadn't really developed any strong feelings toward his Aunt Margo or Uncle-by-marriage Roger. His cousin Reginald (never Reggie or Reg!) seemed okay, if a little too preppy. His other cousin, and younger than him was Regina and she was the typical snobby bitch. As soon as she'd arrived in her parent's Cadillac, she'd had her nose stuck in the air. He honestly didn't know why they'd bothered coming anyway. It was likely because it was the socially expected thing to do rather than any real desire to support their 'white trash' kin. Not that Xander thought of himself or his parents as trash, but Walter was and always had been very blue collar and next to the proper etiquette, silver-spooned, and spoiled pinky in the air while drinking from delicate tea services relatives from Utah, he supposed Walt could appear pretty low-brow.**

**Xander glanced back at the crowd of people seated behind the family. There were perhaps twenty in all, mostly from his father's steel mill. In addition toward the back, Xander saw fellow construction crew and their families. He'd just seen them four days ago at the funeral service for Blayne Thomas, killed that brutal night when Xander himself had almost needed a coffin. He didn't see any of Blayne's family, but didn't harbor any bitterness toward them. They'd suffered a horrible blow too. Worse than his, in fact. In the second row behind the bereaved family sat his true family. Willow sat with misery and sympathy on her face, trying not to cry again, as she met his eyes. He gave her a small smile. Tara nodded her head in sympathy for him and then reached into Will's lap to take her hand. **

**They were all there, of course. Buffy with Riley, Joyce with Dawn, Willow and Tara, Giles doing the stiff upper lip thing, though Xander was sure he saw real tears in the Brit's eyes. That struck him as odd. Actually, this whole thing was so surreal that Xander might as well have been standing on Venus over the grave of a ham sandwich or something equally ridiculous. He knew he shouldn't be thinking these sorts of weird thoughts. He should be weeping with his mother, he supposed. After all, his father was dead. But like at the hospital, Xander seemed to feel nothing much about it. It was sort of embarrassing. All of his friends, who hadn't really liked Mr. Harris, grieving away and feeling horrible for him and all. And here he was; stone cold to it all. **

**The minister was finally wrapping up whatever it was he'd been saying. Xander hadn't been paying much attention. His eyes drifted from the casket waiting to be lowered into its resting place to the dais set up at its head. His uncle Rory, Walter's brother, was making his way to the podium. **

**His uncle began sharing his memories of his brother, or at least the ones that didn't involve drunken arguments, mutual puking, and head-smashing hangovers. Xander tuned out again. Most of this was all shit, he'd decided. The apparent agenda for today was to ignore that Walter Harris was a bitter and drunken jerk with a mean temper and an ugly tongue and to turn him into some sorta swell guy. Xander decided he'd pass. When the minister had asked him if he wanted to take a few minutes during the service to say a few words about his father, Xander had declined. His mother had explained that Xander's grief was too raw for him to express in front of everyone and Xander believed she might even think that. Xander's real purpose in not saying anything though was that he wasn't sure what he could say. Most of his memories of his father weren't exactly warm and fuzzy. It was sad, but true. Not that Xander had hated his father, but he couldn't stand up there and tell the lies his father's brother was telling right now. His father hadn't been funny, or a hard worker (_hard drinker: yes_) and he hadn't been deeply in love with his wife and son; at least not as far as Xander could've told.**

**As Uncle Rory continued with his fairy tale, his daughter Carol stood up…crouched over like she was in a movie theatre trying not to block other movie-goer's view of the screen. She came up to Xander and whispered to him, "Sweetie, why don't you sit down for a bit. You look like your ready to collapse."**

**Xander gave her a brief glance and a quick shake of his head. As he stood a little straighter, Carol sighed heavily and returned to her chair in that same silly 'excuse me for blocking your view' crouch. Xander tried not to be irritated with his cousin Carol, she only meant well. But that was how it always had been with her, any suggestion she'd made that wasn't immediately acted upon ended with a huge put upon sigh. Even more annoying was that her son, Mikey, was developing the same annoying habit and he was only twelve. Xander feared what living 24-7 with his neurotic aunt was doing to the boy. Especially since Carol and Bruce divorced. With Bruce having moved to Australia right after the split, the boy was getting all of his behavior from Carol. If he didn't end up either a serial killer or in therapy for life, it would be a miracle.**

**Uncle Rory had finally finished his 'Tales of a Perfect Brother', and Xander's mother was half stumbling to the podium now. _At least she isn't stumbling 'cause she's crocked this time, _he thought cynically. Xander was sure that the half-stumble was strictly for the theatrics, however, and not because of the "overwhelming grief" she was allegedly feeling. As Peggy began hitching her breath and sharing her glowing memories of her husband, Xander tried to push away the resentment he'd been feeling toward his mother for the past several days.**

**It wasn't that his mother wasn't upset that her husband had been murdered, practically in front of her eyes. Xander understood that. But it had been eleven days since his father's death and the whole time Peggy had done nothing to be useful or to help her son deal with what had happened. It had fallen to Xander to speak with the police coroner to find out when his father's body would be released for burial. It had been Xander who'd had to go through his father's papers to discover that at least he had had some life insurance. It was a basic policy through his employer, but it was something. Xander, of course, had been the one that had to call the insurance company. He'd been the one to go to the hospital for the death certificate, he'd arraigned the funeral service, chose the coffin, called all the family. Peggy had done nothing but lay in her hotel room all day long with a bottle. **

**That was another thing that really pissed him off now that he was remembering the last nearly two weeks. Peggy had left taking care of the house entirely to him. Cleaning the bit of blood left behind from his father's body off of the front porch, pulling down the crime tape and paying the bills that had come due in the meantime. It had all been left to Xander to figure out. **

**He turned away from his mother's praising of his father as a wonderful husband to seek out Giles' eyes. _Thank God that Giles was here to help me_, he thought. He gave Giles a nod of his head and then once again turned back to the grave. Anya had appeared at his side now from her seat behind him. He felt her hand slip into his and he grasped it gratefully. Looking down at her lovely features, he saw tears had recently been shed from her red-rimmed eyes. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. Anya had been wonderful, stepping in to organize things as Giles helped him make sense of the legal documents he'd had to go through. She'd also taken to checking in on his mother and sitting with her while she drank and wailed. Xander had been too busy taking care of the things that Peggy should have been doing to put up with her drunken sobbing.**

**He knew he was being unfairly tough on his mother. He recognized his own anger over what had happened and even understood that he was misdirecting it. That didn't stop the thoughts from coming though. So many buried resentments were bubbling to the surface. He felt resentment toward her for not standing up to protect him more when his father's insults had cut deeply. He resented that she'd never praised his small accomplishments, but was always quick to chastise him when he mis-stepped, especially when he'd still been in school. He'd probably be a complete basket case, growing up in that household, if it hadn't been for Jesse and Willow who had always been there to listen and commiserate and prop him up against his own self doubts. Both of their parent's homes had offered escape when life at Chateau Harris became too much.**

**He wished Jesse was here now. He wished a lot of things, of course. One of the biggest being that Hellmouths didn't exist. He wondered if a vengeance demon could grant that wish. **

**That thought brought him back to Anya and he again gave her hand an appreciative squeeze. **

**Finally his mother was finished and the casket began its slow descent into the earth. His mother came to stand beside him briefly, before she picked up a handful of fresh soil. Stepping forward, she released the soil onto the lowering coffin and said a whispered good-bye to her husband. Others from Xander's family followed suit and then his co-workers approached to do the same. Finally Joyce stepped up to Xander and gave him a warm hug.**

"**Xander, Dawn and I are going to get back to the house and get the food out before everyone arrives. I'll see you there in a bit, okay?"**

"**Yeah. Thanks, Joyce. You've always been there for me…for all of us, whenever we need you."**

**Joyce gave Xander a sad smile and then moved off. Dawn wrapped Xander in a huge bear hug. She hugged Anya as well. As she opened her mouth to say something to Xander, she burst into tears and ran to put an arm around Joyce. Joyce pulled Dawn to her side and the two of them hurried toward the elder woman's Jeep.**

**The others walked up to him now. Buffy and Riley were first. Riley surprised Xander by eschewing their usual handshake to embrace him. A few manly slaps on the back followed and then came Buffy's warm kiss on the side of his face. The two of them also headed out toward the cemetery's exit.**

**Giles embraced both Xander and Anya, one under each of his fatherly arms. He placed a quick kiss to the top of Anya's head and then told Xander he would be waiting at Joyce's for them to arrive.**

**Xander's mother, Peggy, had refused to return to the home where her husband had been murdered. There had been a short argument about what was going to happen with the house and where they were going to have a wake if not there, but Peggy was adamant. She'd insisted that she would never set foot in that house again. **

**It had already been decided that she was going to be moving in with her sister in Utah when they returned, at least for the short term. Xander didn't have any idea how this would all turn out, but for now he'd stay at the Harris home until it was decided whether to sell it or not. **

**Peggy wanted it sold and forgotten. Anya had already volunteered that if it sold, Xander would have enough money for him and herself to get an apartment closer to Giles' where all of the Scooby meetings took place these days. Xander was on the fence about what to do. He wasn't sure he was ready to leave the only home he'd known for his whole life, no matter how many bad memories may be there right now. That could wait though. The pressing matter had been Peggy's refusal to hold the wake in the Harris home, but Joyce stepped in and offered the Summers' house to her. **

**Peggy had jumped at the chance. Xander had gratefully agreed, heading off a crisis that he hadn't been able to see how to resolve. So that was where everyone was headed now except for himself, Anya, Willow and Tara who were still standing at Walter's graveside. **

"**How you holding up?" Willow had asked.**

"**I'm okay. I'm kind of wishing everyone would stop asking me that question, but you know…I'm okay."**

**Willow gave him a sad smile then quickly hugged him tightly. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of Willow's strawberry shampoo. For a few moments it could have been the good old days before everything had turned out so complicated and dark.**

**Tara cleared her throat, "Why don't Anya and I head over to Buffy's. You two could use some time together."**

"**What?" Anya asked, clearly confused, "why would I leave Xander here by himself?"**

"**I just thought that Willow and Xander could use a few moments alone. To talk, take stock…" Tara trailed off.**

**Willow released Xander and turned to her girlfriend. "Thank you, sweetie. Tell the others we'll be there real soon."**

**Tara nodded her head and gave Xander a quick hug. As she grabbed Anya's wrist to lead her away, Anya exclaimed, "Oh, I get it! During times of sadness, old friends often feel the need to reminisce about things which others would find extremely boring!" A quick look at Xander and Anya added, "I mean, not boring! Um, I meant…?"**

"**Private," Tara provided.**

"**Yes," Anya was quick to agree. "You two take some private time. Just, you know, don't reminisce about that time that you two were kissing and making Cordelia and Xander break up. 'Cause, you know, that wasn't good."**

**Tara rolled her eyes and again tugged on Anya's wrist, "Come on."**

**As the two strolled away, Anya could be heard clearly. "What? Old kissing-type friends in sorrowful situations often fall back on old lusty feelings for comfort. You wouldn't believe the amount of vengeance work I used to get right after funerals. There was this one time…" her voice faded into the distance. **

"**So. I'm not asking how you're really doing with all this, but if you wanted to volunteer the information out of the blue…"**

**Xander gave his best friend a warm smile. "Oh, Will. You've always been so sneaky with the subtle way of drawing my feelings out of me. I really am fine. Maybe I'm a bit too fine. I feel guilty that I'm not more of a headcase, like mom. I've spent most of the service thinking about everyone we've lost since we started fighting the good fight instead of about him."**

"**Yeah, I thought a lot about Jesse, too."**

"**I miss him, Wills. I haven't even visited his grave in, god, two years or so. Some friend, huh?"**

"**You and me, both. But, you know, life has a habit of going on whether you mean for it to or not. Maybe we could swing by his marker tomorrow?"**

"**Sounds good. I guess we should get going, though, get this over with." Xander stepped over to his father's now completely lowered coffin. Standing thirty feet away were four men with shovels waiting to fill in the now occupied hole. Xander grabbed a handful of soil from the same mound that the others had and sprinkled the dirt over his father's casket. "Good bye, dad. I hope you find a lot more peace wherever you are than you had here."**

**Taking Willow's hand, Xander turned his back on his father's final resting place. He led her from the graveyard toward Buffy's.**

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End CH 1


	2. Night

**Spanderverse: Burial**

**CH2: Night**

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**Xander Harris stood in the Restfield Cemetery and stared down at a simple headstone. He was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt with a light jacket. In his hand, the head resting against the ground, was a small battle axe with an extended handle. He'd decided to go out on patrol by himself this evening after the cacophony of the day's events. The wake for his father had been a long and depressing affair and by the time everyone had begun to leave Joyce's for their various homes or hotel rooms, he'd been sick of people. Telling the gang he'd call them the following day, he'd left Buffy's house and nearly trotted all the way back to the Harris' house. Going straight to the basement, he pulled off the suit; he'd grabbed his ax and he'd headed out on patrol, hoping to find something to kill. The phone had rang while he was busy changing his clothes, but seeing it was Buffy's number and guessing it would be Anya asking him why'd he left without her, he ignored it. **

**When he left his house, newly dressed in more appropriate patrol-wear and carrying his ax, he'd felt a little better. Somehow he'd ended up back here at his father's grave, though he hadn't meant to even patrol Restfield tonight.**

**The moon was only a quarter full, but the night was clear and he could make out the inscription easily enough. 'Walter L. Harris Husband. Father. Missed Companion. 1955-2000' read the white stone block. **

**Xander stood in the cold, clear evening and stared at the stone. The earth still evidenced being freshly turned for the grave of his father; the sod wouldn't be laid down until the following afternoon. He stood breathing deeply of the air, smelling the fresh dirt and hearing the distant sounds of automobiles over on Main Street, but he felt as if he were a thousand miles away from the nearest human being.**

**Behind him, Xander heard a low growl and slowly turned around. He lifted the ax to his shoulder and sized up the two vampires that now smirked in his direction. The first was a tall man, very thin and dressed in biker leathers, ripped jeans and wearing a Nazi-style helmet on his head.**

**Next to him was what Xander assumed was his 'motorcycle mamma'. A girl with long blond hair dressed like a tacky tramp, complete with pink fuzzy boa draped around her neck and hanging down to her waist. The vampires smiled at him, their teeth glinting in even the weak light of the crescent moon.**

**Xander felt himself smile back. His eyes slit themselves as he focused on his prey. Ordinarily he'd probably be wishing that Buffy or Riley were here right about now. In fact, he more likely than not would have already been running. That would be the sensible thing to do, he knew. After all it was two very strong vampires to one average human. Xander didn't care. He'd been hoping to run into something to attack tonight and here they were.**

**Xander's smile grew wider. He felt an intense desire to laugh maniacally at the two vamps, who apparently thought they were the hunters, but he suppressed the urge. He was a little afraid of what he'd sound like to his own ears.**

"**That's a mighty big ax you're carrying around there, Mister. Now what do you think you're going to do with that?" As Mr. Biker posed in a, Xander supposed, menacing fashion the biker chick just giggled.**

"**Well, I was planning on finding me a demon to bury it in tonight," Xander replied. He was preternaturally calm, his eyes focused and taking in every detail of his prey's movements. "But I guess I'll settle for swinging it through your dusty remains."**

**Mr. Biker let out a raucous laugh that somehow managed to get through Xander's sense of calm. It didn't produce fear however, much to the demon's chagrin. It just made Xander angry. His father was buried not a foot behind him and the freak of the night was laughing like there was a huge cosmic joke being told. Xander marched with purpose in the demon pair's direction.**

**Mr. Biker immediately pushed Biker Chick behind him and then launched himself at Xander. Even as he was swinging a fist that looked as thin and hard as a slab of marble in Xander's direction, Xan was raising the ax in a defensive manner. Using the handle, he blocked the vampire's blow and kicked out with the flat bottom of the heavy boots he wore. The vampire grunted as Xander's heavy foot slammed into its knee. As the vampire recovered, Xander used both hands to swing the ax to right. The flat of the ax-head caught the vampire across the jaw and knocked it backward a few steps. **

**Growling now in anger, it again launched an attack on Xander. Xander felt himself picked up and thrown like a child's toy across the lawn of the cemetery, hitting hard on someone's plaque. Rolling back to his feet, Xander came up to see Mr. Biker standing before him just in time for the vampire to wrap a fist around his throat. His air cut off, Xander immediately kneed up into the vampire's crotch again both knocking the vampire off of himself and well as pissing the beast off.**

**Xander swung the ax in a wide arc, but the vampire moved too fast and was able to easily avoid the blow. As Xander tried to recover the swing and bring it back in the opposite direction, Mr. Biker grabbed his wrists, gripping them painfully.**

**Xander grunted in pain, tears beginning to make everything in front of him a blur. He heard Mr. Biker call behind them, "Hope your hungry Darlene; it's just about dinner time." After a hearty laugh he added, "Is this the best you can do? And here you had me thinking you were going to actually fight!" **

**As the vampire swung Xander by the wrists, the ax flew to the ground. Xander also flew to the ground and rolled to a bruising stop several yards away from the now lost weapon. Mr. Biker grabbed up Xander's ax and tested its feel by swinging it through the air several times. He smiled big and looked at the human who was now weaponless, "Nice ax. Thanks."**

**The vampire held it over its head in one hand and rushed Xander with a battle cry that should have had the human peeing in his pants. Instead, Xander felt a preternatural calm as his eye dilated; taking in every detail of the vampires approach. In his mind, far below his conscious thoughts, a counter move was already being formulated. As the vampire came within striking distance, it swung the ax low, aiming to bisect Xander at the waist. **

**Xander watched the ax approach, the gleaming steal of its deadly edge sparkling in the moonlight. Just as it dipped in its arc, Xander leaped into the demon's arms. The swinging arm with the ax hit the side of Xander's body, causing the ax itself to fly from the demon's grip and to land in the grass. In the meantime, the vamp gave a surprised exclamation and his free hand had already swung up to grab at the human suddenly on top of him.**

**As this was all occurring in split seconds, Xander's two hands grabbed the demon by his leather jacket's lapels and yanked him forward. Using his head, Xander smashed the vampire's mouth and chin. Xander gave a violent shove and the vampire went down.**

**Xander spun away from the prone vampire and grabbed the ax, once again taking possession of the weapon. As the demon was regaining its feet once again, the young man spun and released the ax. The blade whistled through the air and came to rest in the creature's face.**

**There were tortured screeches from the demon who now bled freely where the ax remained bisecting its face and also from Darlene who had suddenly stopped giggling incessantly. Xander reached out for the ax blade and roughly yanked the blade from the vamp's face. It turned away from the human and fell to the ground howling in pain and shock. Xander took the advantage its current position afforded and neatly beheaded it with a vicious two-handed swing.**

**As it dusted, Darlene gave a horrible scream of despair. Xander turned in her direction to see that she had been rushing to help her beau. Now she came to a dead stop, her features one of confusion and shock. She growled in his direction, but couldn't seem to decide whether she wanted to attack or run. As Xander and her stared at each other, both seemingly unable to move and break the deadlock, Spike suddenly appeared from behind a monument. In a swift stroke, a stake was plowed into the she-vamp's back and she dusted away, the surprise never having time to leave her face.**

"**Nice moves," Spike said as he joined Xander.**

"**Thanks. How long you been lurking about?"**

"**Long enough to save your fat if I needed to. I've never seen you fighting like that before, that whole tossing the ax thing…"**

**Xander gave him a small shrug. "Guess something must be sinking in from watching Buffy and Riley so much."**

"**I suspect so. So, how are…"**

**Xander cut him off in mid sentence. "Please for the love of… whatever…don't ask me how I'm holding up. If I hear that phrase once more, I'm liable to start beheading myself next."**

"**Things been pretty brutal then, I take it. I've been in my crypt waiting the past few hours for the sun to go down and trying to remember what it's like. Having to bury family, I mean."**

"**And?" **

**Spike shrugged a little self-consciously, "I can't really remember. I know it must be difficult, Xan, but I can't really know what you're going through right now. I do know that hanging around in a graveyard and practically begging to get attacked was a pretty stupid stunt though."**

"**I'm a big boy. It's my choice whether I patrol, where I do it, and if I have company or not." **

**Spike didn't like the anger in his friend's voice. He easily could have been overpowered if the skank had gotten involved in the fight before Spike had arrived. He'd gone to Buffy's, but she informed him that Xander had already returned home. She'd been helping Joyce to clear up the mess and, surprisingly, had asked Spike if he could swing by the Harris' and make sure he'd gotten home okay. When Spike did however, he'd found no one home. He'd traced Xander's steps…the obvious route anyway, from his house to Buffy's before beginning to scour the area. He'd heard the scuffle going on in the graveyard and figured that Xander had been visiting the old man's new resting place. He hadn't expected to see Xander already armed and actively engaging a brute.**

"**I just don't want to see you hurt, is all. You came close, way too close, with Dracula. You shouldn't be testing fate like this."**

**Xander turned away from the blond vampire and in a directly away from his father's headstone. Spike stood indecisively for a moment, not sure if Xander was just walking away, or walking away from him in particular. After Xander had made it half a dozen steps, Spike shrugged to himself and jogged to catch up to the youth. _Since when did I care where I was wanted?_**

**They had walked in silence for perhaps five minutes when Xander stopped in front of another simple marker. This one was set flush into the ground and was red granite. The letters were etched in white: 'Jesse Eric Balfour– Wonderful Son and Gift to his Family- 1981-1997', it read.**

**Spike watched in silence as Xander knelt next to the gravesite of this 'Jesse' person. Xander placed the ax he'd carried on the lawn and then rested a hand, palm flat, down against the grave stone. **

"**Hey there, Jess. It's Xander." Xander gave a short laugh, but Spike heard no humor in it. "'Course you probably know that. Unless you've forgotten, I haven't been to see you in a while."**

**Spike heard a deep sigh from Xander as he continued. "I'm real sorry about that. Willow said the world has a habit of moving on whether we mean for it to or not. We shouldn't forget about our friends though. Especially the ones we went and killed ourselves, right?"**

**Spike's ears perked up immediately when he'd heard that last part. He didn't know who this Jesse might have been, but he couldn't see Xander killing anyone. Spike suspected that maybe Jesse was already missing a pulse when Xander did whatever he did.**

"**So, I suppose you know that my dad is dead, huh? Kinda like you, he got it from the fang gang. Not just any vampire though, the mighty Count Dracula himself. I wonder if you guys get jealous…like you know because one of you gets killed by someone powerful and famous when the other just gets turned by some no-name?" Xander gave a short bark of mirthless laughter. "Or maybe you don't even pay attention to what goes on here." Xander sighed again, sounding smaller and more fragile to Spike than he'd been just moments before.**

**Spike had had his eyes on the ground during this exchange. When his peripheral vision caught movement from Xander he glanced up to find himself looking in brown eyes dulled with the pain of recent loss. Xander was watching him guardedly as he made his way back to his feet.**

"**I suppose this all seems pretty silly to you guys, huh? I mean, either we're walking around ready to be fed on, or we're dead and gone, right?"**

**Spike could only shrug his shoulders. "Doesn't seem so silly to me. I'm not too clear on why humans insist on doing the whole funeral thing without a body though. Am I right in guessing that your friend was a vamp and then dust?"**

"**Yeah, one of my first introductions to the Hellmouth. Believe it or not, I grew up never having lost anyone to mysterious disappearances or strange deaths before Jesse. Then I staked him in the Bronze." Xander wasn't able to hide the hint of anger in his voice.**

"**Sorry," Spike said. He didn't know what else to say.**

"**Don't be. Wasn't you that took him out. He got killed by the master's vessel, Luke. If you want to be sorry, be sorry for the families whose kids and parents you did kill."**

"**I can't, even if I wanted to be. I can walk around like a man, Xander. I can even be your friend and protect Joyce and the Bit when Buffy's off saving the world, but I still don't have a soul. I can feel some things now, thanks to the chip and whatever is left of William in this noggin of ours, but the past is the past. I can't regret that I loved the freedom to do whatever I wanted without regret or remorse. I can't help that I loved the hunt."**

"**Well, that's just swell for you, then!" Xander turned and marched away from Spike. Anger was visible even from several feet away in the hunch of his shoulders and in his stride. **

**Spike sighed to himself. If the Initiative was going to furnish him with a chip, they should have included a matching muzzle, too. Xander had gotten perhaps two dozen steps from Spike, when the vampire ran after him.**

"**I'm sorry, okay. I shouldn't have said that stuff out loud."**

"**No, you were right." Xander anger deflated in a long, harsh sigh. The ax was swinging back in forth in the young man's hands making swishing noises as it went. "I'm just so pissed. You know, when Jesse died that second time, I had to look in his mother's eyes and tell her I didn't know what had happened to him. Everyone thought he'd run away, or was abducted…which in a way, I guess he was. But to know exactly what happened to him and to have to lie to his parents like that? Makes you wonder just how I've got any right calling anyone else a monster."**

"**There wasn't anything else you could have done. What were you going to say?"**

"**I don't know. It was just rough on all of us to watch that false hope on his folk's faces for those weeks following what happened. Having to watch it fade away into acceptance that they'd never know what happened to him, that a body might never be found or the police might never find where he'd 'run away' to. Finally, they had to declare him dead just to put it behind them and move on. I don't think I've ever hated myself more in my whole life. And I can't tell you how many times I sat with Willow crying in my lap. I'm sorry about back in the graveyard, Spike. I wanted to hurt someone and you were standing there being the perfect target."**

"**I can take it, Xan. If you need to punish vampires everywhere, you can beat on me for awhile."**

**Xander looked sideways at Spike, seeing if he was serious. It certainly looked like it and in a very weird, Hellmouthy way, Xander was touched by the offer. "I think I've been a prick to you enough for one evening. Can I reserve the right to take you up on it another time, though?"**

**Spike looked over into Xander's face and saw the trace of a smile. Breaking out into a wide grin of his own, he answered with mock-seriousness, "Dr. Spike's always here to provide some therapeutic fisticuffs."**

"**Thanks. It meant a lot, you know. That you came to the cemetery tonight."**

"**I just wanted to see if you were safe. You weren't at your house where Buffy said you'd be."**

"**My parent's house; I haven't decided what I'm doing with it, yet."**

"**Doing? What about your mum?"**

"**Moving to Utah. At least for a little while. For understandable reasons, she doesn't want to stay living there."**

"**I am sorry about that Xan. If I had just fought a little harder in that alley…" Spike's voice trailed off.**

"**Please, don't do this," Xander said, reaching a hand over to rest on the vampires deceptively thin shoulders. He gave a friendly squeeze, "Buffy's already kicking herself and I'm always arguing with myself over spilling the whole vampires and demons thing to my parents. All of us may have been able to do things differently, but Count Crapula is the only one to blame here."**

"**Well, he's gone for good now. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you don't go mucking about with the Slayer's friends or family."**

"**You wanna come over for a beer?" Xander still had his hand on Spike. Sometime during the last few minutes it had moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck. Xander caught his fingers kneading the muscles in Spike's neck and quickly pulled his hand away self-consciously. Fortunately, Spike didn't seem to have noticed, but Xander was wondering what the hell his hand thought it was doing rubbing Spike's neck that way.**

**When Spike replied with a simple, "Beer sounds good," Xander was relieved. The last thing he'd needed is for Spike to think he was doing some sorta weird touching thing that guys didn't do to each other. Unless, you were the late and lamented Larry, anyway. Another Sunnydale victim in a line of losses that was becoming too long for Xander to stomach anymore.**

"**You're sounding more like the Xander I know," Spike added.**

"**I guess. I'm just tired, I guess. We've lost so many friends; sometimes I think we should isolate ourselves from everyone else. It seems like they become friends with us, just to end up dead."**

**Spike put his hand on Xander's back in an attempt to comfort him. There wasn't much he could say. As long as the Scoobies insisted on stepping on Evil's toes, Evil was going to lash out. Like in any war, it was often the bystanders who ended up getting caught in the crossfire.**

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End Story

Spanderverse Series:

BTVS Seasons 1 through 4 up through Primeval

Spanderverse: To Dream

After 314

Spike

Dracula

Burial

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End file.
